Grief & Bereavement

Some feel everything in one day, and others over weeks, months, or years. Even when a death has been expected, knowing that someone has died can take time to feel real. We may find ourselves continuing to think about the person, expecting them to call, or longing to tell them something. Or we may not think about them at all.

Sometimes people worry they are grieving “the wrong way”. But there is no right emotional response to loss. Our relationship with the person and the circumstances of their death will shape our feelings, and thoughts. Sometimes grief can be complicated.

Some theorists believe it can be helpful to find a new way of relating to the person who has died. This is sometimes described as a continuing bond. We might talk to the person we are missing in our thoughts, cook something they loved, or tell stories about them.

Grief can be an experience of learning to hold many things at once: perhaps the pain of someone no longer being here, the anger they are gone, or the continuing significance of their life. Dennis Klass believed "Grief is the process of constructing a new relationship with the deceased… to carry them with us as we move forward into the rest of our lives.”

In some cultures and religions grieving is a collective process, a community experience but for others it is something that is experienced in a solitary way. If you think you might benefit from having someone alongside you being fully present for what ever you are feeling, therapy can be helpful.

There is also much support out there now, with many podcasts such as Julia Samuels Grief Works and many books, some writers experiences may resonate with you: Julian Barnes 'The sense of an ending', Max Porter 'Grief is the thing without feathers', and Joan Didion 'The Year of Magical Thinking for example. Irvin D. Yalom's position is that “Mourning is the price we pay for having the courage to love others.”